To my married and yet to be married brothers and sisters…
In a marriage, one should forget about falling in love. Falling is never a good thing. Love as we know it (from our romantic notions) is simply another word for physical attraction.
It lasts usually for a couple of years and then starts to decrease. Since you want your marriage to last a lot longer than that, it is a good idea to focus on respect which will grow into love.
Not falling into but growing into. What does that mean? It means that 25 years after you have been married every time you look at your spouse you fall in love all over again.
Growing in love means evolving a common language of looks, signals and words that only you two can understand. It is almost magical to see it work. I wish it for all those who read this.
That is heaven on earth.
So it is respect, honor and dignity that result in love. This love is where your spouse will stand up for you and defend you, never laugh at you in public, be considerate of your faults and hide them and be focused on the many good things that you bring to the marriage.
This love means that she/he will not complain about the difficulties that may happen along the way but will work with you to overcome them and stand in the night and cry before Allah and ask for His intervention.
This is the person who will never leave your side as long as you live and will pray for your forgiveness when you are gone. In my experience this is the only person who you can rely on to do it, for all others will forget after a while.
Your relationship with your life partner should be of great friendship. Of great trust. Of exceptional care. There should be no embarrassment in showing the deepest levels of compassion for each other.
We shouldn’t feel embarrassed in being servicable to each other. There should be no shame in cooking, cleaning, doing your partner’s laundry, opening the door, taking off shoes, massaging and doing all sorts of kind acts.
We should’nt have to worry about our egos. We should make each other comfortable to the level where there is no hesitation to express our deepest forms of love. To the level that the husband is respected as a King for his service towards his wife, and the wife is treated like a Queen for her service to her husband.
And there is an atmosphere of giving instead of expecting. No one person should take the other’s humility as their weakness or abuse them for it. It takes two to preserve the peace and tranquility in a marriage.
And all the above requires love and mercy…
“Any two people can become husband and wife..
But to be friends with your spouse – to want to be around them, to want to spend time with them and share your thoughts with them.
To want to relax and enjoy everything and nothing with them, to feel alone without them and to think of them and to miss them.
To want them by your side because they are your closest companion. To want them on levels other than a spouse.
To want their companionship, their friendship.
That is a true blessing.”
~ From Halal Love Stories, experiencing 8 years of marriage, 18082015 ~
[ image source: Tumblr ]