I Want to Grow Old with You

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Today when I was scrolling down my Facebook feeds, I found a good article from the Huffpost Parents. Here are the points which make me feel so related with..

“Children brought tension to your relationship. A tension you’d never known together; a tension you assumed happened to ‘other’ people. Not you.

Through the foggy exhaustion of those early years, though, you still clung to each other, assuring yourselves that this would pass. Life would get easier when they weren’t so small.

With the kids a little older and a little more independent, you looked around and thought maybe now you and your husband could get back to connecting, get back to the way it was before kids.

You missed the way he used to look at you like you were his person in this world. You missed the spark you used to feel for each other.

You two had been on lockdown mode for so long trying to nurture these two helpless little humans and, frankly, keep them alive, and now you could see a little crack of light streaming through, a small space opening where you could breath and relax into him again.

And before you drift off to sleep you think how much he means to you, how you could have lost him, how grateful you are that he is still here next to you, and most of all, how much you love this man–the man that he is now, not the man that you were trying to make him be, or the man that he was on your wedding day.

Which brings me to this, my best wedding day advice: View today as the start of your journey. Board the ship together, set sail. When the storms come, as they always do, your instinct will be to turn the boat around, head back to what you left behind. Know this; what you are looking for is not behind you. You will get lost trying to get back to that place.

Then, in a voice you’d never heard in all your years together, he looked right at you and said softly, “I still want to grow old with you.”

Beautifully written. This is exactly what I feel, sometimes.

Struggle. Efforts. Joy. Love. Laughters. Failures. Exhaustion. Misunderstanding. Lost of hope. Little fights and arguments. Tears. Make ups. Those all fill our journey of marriage.

Reading this make me realize.. Semua rumah tangga memiliki medan juangnya masing-masing. Memiliki problematika dan ujiannya sendiri-sendiri. Sesuatu yang tak tampak dari luar, tapi mereka hadapi dengan susah payah.

Kehidupan pernikahan setelah memiliki anak, mengalami banyak sekali perubahan. Like it or not, it affects our relationship with our spouse.

Anak sakit, rewel, bertingkah ini itu. They scream, got tempered, cranky, getting out of control and so on.

Those moments when you both like want to explode and scream your heart out to each other. Those moments when you want to runaway for a while.

Those times when you miss the good early days of marriage. Those times when you think you didn’t recognise the person standing next to you anymore, the one you used to share joy and pain along these years..

Seorang konselor perkawinan berkata,

“Anak adalah alasan nomor satu bagi para orang tua untuk menomorduakan perkawinan,” Ia juga menambahkan, “Padahal kalau punya anak, Anda harus mengutamakan perkawinan lebih dulu, karena memiliki hubungan yang baik adalah hadiah seumur hidup yang bisa Anda berikan kepada anak-anak.”

Pasti akan ada saat-saat di mana kita dan juga pasangan merasa lelah, merasa berbeda, merasa jenuh dan perasaan-perasaan negatif lainnya yang dapat mempengaruhi apa yang kita rasakan terhadap pasangan.

Akan ada saat-saat di mana kita merasa bahwa pasangan kita bukan lagi dirinya yang dulu kita kenal ketika janji itu terucap. Di mata kita, dia berubah menjadi orang yang sama sekali asing bagi kita.

Maybe there are handful of times when we feel we’re not strong enough. Times when we really want to give up. When we finally said, “Ok, I’m done with this”.

Di titik ini, cinta bisa mulai meredup hingga akhirnya sirna dan menghilang begitu saja. Namun apa yang membuat pernikahan tetap kuat menghadapi terjangan badai ujian kehidupan?

Komitmen

Komitmen adalah landasan sebuah hubungan. Janji yang disepakati ketika kita memutuskan untuk menikah dulu. Karena cinta bisa pudar seiring berlalunya waktu, namun komitmen menjaganya tetap solid dan utuh, insya Allah.

Apa komitmen kita saat bersedia menyatu dalam ikatan perkawinan dengan seseorang itu? Kembali kepada tujuan awal kita menikah.

Jika kita menikah hanya untuk meraih tujuan-tujuan dunia, maka tidak heran jika kita mudah lelah dalam menggapai tujuan pernikahan. Takkan mungkin habis dunia dikejar. Dunia adalah tempat berlelah-lelah, bukan tempat peristirahatan yang sebenarnya.

Maka ketika tujuan itu tidak kunjung tercapai, pelariannya adalah dengan menabrak larangan-larangan Allah. Selingkuh, korupsi, kekerasan dalam rumah tangga, maksiat demi maksiat.. yang mungkin akan berujung pada perpisahan, perceraian.

Lain halnya jika kebersamaan di akhirat adalah tujuan utamanya. Saling bersinergi untuk mewujudkan sakinah dalam rumah tangga. Saling mengingatkan jika ada yang khilaf dan terlupa. Saling melengkapi, bukan saling menuntut dan mencari perbedaan satu sama lain.

Family is A Teamwork

Keluarga, idealnya adalah satu tim yang kompak. Jika yang satu marah, yang lain meredakan. Jika yang satu goyah, yang lain menguatkan. Jika yang satu mulai kehilangan arah, yang lain mengingatkan. Jika yang satu sedang susah, yang lain mengulurkan tangan, bukan malah pergi meninggalkan.

Jika yang satu sedih dan menangis, yang lain merengkuhnya dalam dekapan sambil berbisik,

“Here, let me take some of that pain. You shouldn’t bear it on your own.. Remember darling.. If this world is temporary, what makes us think that our problems are permanent? Chin up. We’ll get through this. Me and you..”

Menikah juga tentang penerimaan. Menerima hal-hal yang tidak bisa diubah. Menerima pasangan seutuhnya, satu paket dengan kelebihan dan kekurangannya, sambil terus saling berusaha memperbaiki diri.

After all, he is still the man you want to be with for the rest of your life. The man that he is now, not the man that you were trying to make him be, or the man that he was on your wedding day.

Menikah.. bukan hanya soal menyatukan dua hati dalam satu ikatan yang halal.

Menikah bukan hanya tentang punya anak, membesarkan mereka, menyekolahkan dan mengantarkan mereka ke gerbang pernikahan.

Menikah bukan sekadar impian untuk memiliki rumah, mengembangkan usaha bersama atau menabung untuk hari tua.

Pernikahan adalah perjalanan. Perjalanan menuju bahagia yang lebih kekal. Karena kebersamaan di dunia ini sangatlah sebentar. Tak banyak waktu tersisa untuk berbagi bahagia dengan ia yang kita cinta.

I don’t want just to grow old with you. I want to be with you now and then, in this world and in the afterlife we all know we’ll get there someday.

Jannah is a place where you can be with the ones you love. Even those who can’t be with you in this dunya, and being with them forever..

~ Jakarta, end of October 2015.. A little note of love to honour my journey along with my partner, till our feet step into Jannah, insha Allah..

© aisyafra.wordpress.com

[ image source: Tumblr ]

11 thoughts on “I Want to Grow Old with You

  1. Assalamu’alaikum ukhti..
    .I don’t want just to grow old withyou. I want to be with you now and then, in this world and in the afterlife we all know we’ll get there someday.Jannah is a place where you canbe with the ones you love. Even those who can’t be with you in this dunya, and being with themforever..

    This is true. And i agree with you about this. This is very inspirative for me. Thank’s ukhti

  2. so touching,,,thank you for this enlightening. i love it so much,,,barakallaahu fiik yaa ukhti..semoga Alloh menjagamu dan keluargamu ya, aamiin. ijin share via fb..

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