2020.
This year is definitely no ordinary year. We face so many unpredictable things and situations along this year. Surviving and crumbling, crying and grieving over a loss. These trying times make a lot of impact in our lives.
Kehilangan pekerjaan, tempat tinggal, kebebasan untuk melakukan yang diinginkan.. Bahkan, kehilangan orang-orang yang kita cintai. Baik dipisahkan oleh kematian atau kenyataan. Kenyataan yang akhirnya menyadarkan, bahwa di dunia ini, tak ada satupun yang abadi.
Mereka yang telah pergi, baik karena keinginan mereka sendiri atau karena tiada pilihan lain. Mereka yang tak pernah sekalipun kita bayangkan, akan lebih dulu meninggalkan. Mereka yang dulunya berjanji, akan selalu ada di sisi apapun yang terjadi.
But life is about leaving and being left behind, right? Meninggalkan dan ditinggalkan adalah bagian tak terpisahkan dari hidup, like it or not.
Pada postingan sebelumnya, saya menulis tentang mengumpulkan kekuatan untuk meninggalkan hal-hal yang memang tak perlu lagi dipertahankan.
But this time, I’d love to talk about getting left behind, alias… kita yang ditinggalkan.
To many of us, what happened this year is so hard to bear. Kita tak siap untuk kehilangan begitu banyak hal dalam waktu yang bersamaan. Termasuk kehilangan mereka yang sangat dekat di hati selama ini.
People we think we can’t live without. People who mean the world to us. People who always be here, alongside us, in the thick and thin throughout the years.
But this time, they left for good. And some of them left some permanent marks in our heart, that we don’t know if we could ever recover from it. Or replace it with someone new.
Some people, I believe, are irreplaceable. They have a special place in our lives. A certain place no one could ever take over. No matter how good they are for you.
This is life. People come and go. We can’t ask or beg them to stay here forever. Just like weather and seasons.. They keep on changing to give life a deeper meaning.
Begitu juga dengan kita, ketika ditinggalkan, rasa kehilangan itu pasti ada. Pertama-tama mungkin akan terasa berbeda. Setelah sekian lama terbiasa bersama, lalu tiba-tiba semua berubah.
Tak dapat dipungkiri, rasa perih dan hampa akan datang menyapa. Tak percaya, bahwa ini nyata. Bahwa ini bukan mimpi. Meski pasti kita mengangankan realita yang berbeda.
Like a saying, it’s hard to turn the page when you know someone won’t be in the next chapter, but the story must go on. We must continue to keep on breathing, keep on living.
“Getting over it doesn’t mean forgetting it, it just means reducing the pain to a tolerable level, a level that doesn’t destroy you.” – Kevin Brooks
Kita mulai belajar untuk ridha. Menerima kenyatan, menerima apa yang telah Allah gariskan. Meski pahit dan sulit pada awalnya, tapi akhirnya kita berhasil mencapai titik ini, saat ini. Atas izin-Nya.
We keep on moving forward. Sure those flashbacks haunt us, sometimes.. But we’re still trying our best to keep on walking, keep carrying on. Not easy though, because the shadow of past keeps lingering in the air.
Kita juga mulai belajar mengikhlaskan, melanjutkan, dan memulai lembaran baru. Meski terbata dan tertatih, kadang terjatuh lalu bangkit kembali. But we keep on running, keep on track. This time without turning our backs.
Yes, we survive. At least until now. This journey feels so magical and unbelievable when we finally reach this point. Laa hawla wa laa quwwata illabillaah. All praise to Allah only. Without Him we’re nothing.
Now we finally learn that people are like sandcastles, they were not meant to stay forever. So are feelings. There are feelings that always stay, and feelings that fade away. No matter how firm you’ve tried to hold them.
All the things and people whom we lose along this year, give us a lesson.. Even the closest thing to us could slipped out of our hands in a second. Nothing is impossible. ‘Forever’ is just an illusion in this temporary life.
These trying times sure are not over yet. We still may face many obstacles tomorrow, but don’t let anxiety and fear control how we are feeling today. Just live in the moment, and leave tomorrow in Allah’s hands.
“Be proud of how you’ve been handling all these past months, the silent battles you fought, the moments you had to humble yourself, wiped your own tears, and pat yourself in the back. Celebrate your strength.”
In the end, after all the thunderstorms we thought we never overcome, all the battles we thought never end, all the loss which left a hole in our soul..
Today, we still manage to rise and standing tall. We evolve into a stronger, better, and wiser version of us. Like a caterpillar who changes into a butterfly. What a beautiful transformation.
Growth and change are never easy but they are always worth it. And after all those emotional rollercoaster and turmoils I experience along this year, there is one thing I finally realize: I still survive, somehow. I can live, with or without (you).
You may lose people you love. You may lose the things you have. But whatever happens, never lose faith. Never lose yourself.
~ Jakarta, on a rainy Tuesday afternoon of October 2020.. A broken wing simply means, you have to find another way to fly…
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So Which Blessings of Your Lord Will You Deny~? 